The difference between a great gala and a distracted one often comes down to a few small decisions about when I use my phone and when I do not. Most people never think about this, but I see the impact of it at every event I attend.
When I started going to galas, I had to decide in advance whether a moment was worth a photograph. I had to bring a camera, with a flash, which would not fit in my clutch, and I almost never did that. There was often an event photographer, and occasionally a photograph would be published that included me, but that was unlikely. There just were not many photographs. That kept my attention on what was happening around me. And I didn’t carry a phone with me. Now I can take out my phone at any moment, and I see how quickly that pulls attention somewhere else.
Arrival and “Step and Repeat”
At the beginning of the evening, I see phones immediately.
Guests hand a phone to a companion or even a stranger for a photograph near the entrance or at a step and repeat. I do the same thing. These are the moments where a photograph makes sense. It is quick, and it marks the fact that I have arrived.
After that, I put the phone away and move into the evening.
The Reception
During the reception, I see a range of behavior.
Some guests take photographs of the space or small details. Others do not take out their phones at all. Both feel natural.
What I notice is the difference between taking a photograph and staying on a screen.
When I take a photograph, put my phone away, and move on, I stay connected to what is happening around me. When I stay on my phone for several minutes, I lose track of where I am and what people nearby are doing.
I have done that, and I do not like it.
At the Table
Once I am seated, I make a different decision.
My attention is with the people at the table and with the evening as it unfolds. That is where the experience is for me. So I put my phone in my clutch.
If I need to send a message or take a call, I stand up and step away. I have done that occasionally. There is always somewhere to go.
When I tried to handle something on my phone while sitting at the table, I missed part of what someone was saying. I had to ask a question that was already answered. The conversation moved forward without me. That just didn’t work for me.
So I stopped doing that.
For me, the phone stays out of sight once I am seated.
Silent Auction Bidding
There are moments when the phone is part of the event.
Many galas now run the silent auction through a phone. I receive notifications, place bids, and follow what is happening.
I do not do that while I am sitting at the table.
I place bids when I am standing, before dinner, or after the program. Those are the moments when I can focus on it without missing anything else.
When I tried to manage bidding at the table, I found that I was not fully engaged in the auction and not fully present with the people in front of me.
So I separated them.
During the Program
During the program, I see guests raise their phones for a photograph or a short video.
I do that as well, but I try to keep it brief.
If I hold the phone up for too long, I notice that I am watching the screen instead of the stage. I miss details. I lose track of what is being said.
So I capture what I want, and then I lower the phone.
Posting
Posting is a separate decision.
When I take a photograph, I am capturing something for myself. When I post it, I am deciding to share it with other people.
I do not post while I am seated at a table or during the program. If I am going to post, I do it when I am standing, between parts of the evening, or after the program has ended.
I also make a clear distinction between types of photographs.
A general photograph or short video of the event, where people are part of the scene but not the focus, feels appropriate to share.
A photograph that focuses on a specific person, a gown, or a couple in conversation is different. In that case, I ask before I post it.
There are two exceptions.
If someone is standing at a step and repeat or a red carpet where photographs are being taken, I treat that as a public moment. In that setting, I will take a photograph without asking, because the act of standing there signals that photographs are expected.
Or if I am at an awards show, where celebrities are present, there is usually a sign that says something like “By attending this event, you consent to your voice, image, and likeness being recorded for use and dissemination, without payment of any kind for such use... and you release the organization from any and all claims, liability, or damages.” I’m not a lawyer but, I interpret that to mean I can take photos and videos, and post them without getting specific permission.
Outside of that, I do not assume permission.
Moving Through the Evening
Because I now write about the events I attend, I use my phone for photos and videos more than I did before I started. I had to think this through for myself in a way that others may not.
When I am standing and circulating, I use my phone differently.
If I take a general photograph or a short video of the evening, I do it and move on.
If I want to capture something more specific, I slow down and decide whether it is appropriate and whether I need to ask.
That keeps me from using my phone without thinking.
Event-Specific Expectations
Some events include guidance about phone use.
When I see that, I follow it exactly.
If an event asks guests not to photograph or post, I treat that as part of the structure of the evening.
What Changed for Me
The difference for me has been simple.
I stopped reaching for my phone without thinking.
I use it when I have a reason. I put it away when I do not.
I step away when I need to handle something.
I keep it out of sight when I am seated.
If I photograph someone directly, I ask first.
These are small decisions, but I feel the difference in every event I attend.
Where This Fits
This is part of what I have come to understand after attending many of these events.
In the section called Inside the Ballroom, I write about how these evenings actually unfold and what becomes easier once I recognize the patterns.
In Your First Gala: What to Expect, I describe what it feels like to arrive and move through the evening.
And in the Gala Guides, I write about the decisions that happen before I ever walk in the door.
In any case, phones come up often, as they do in life, and they are not going away.
What matters to me, and to the people I’m with, is how I use mine.
Once I became deliberate about that, I found that I stayed engaged in the evening in a way that I had not before.
And here is more on the subject:
